Work, sex, meetings, babysitters and moving because of a job offer all sound like parts of a normal family life and career. They are, except when you are separated or divorced. That’s because many of these everyday activities can be viewed negatively by the courts, especially if you are involved in a custodial battle.

If you really want to play it safe, you would never get involved in another relationship, take a vow of celibacy, turn down work that interfered with your children’s lives, dismiss the idea of retraining or reeducating yourself, and not move out of state, even if it meant bettering your life and your child’s.

When you’re involved in a custody battle, these choices are serious. They can make the difference between winning and losing your children. Divorce doesn’t have to mean that you stop living. You can get involved in a new relationship, move out of the neighborhood or state with your children, and have a good job. But you’d better know what to do, and when to do it, if you want to get custody – and keep it!

Being on your best behavior is essential. Even if you win, you will still have to be on guard. Why? Because a bitter spouse could haul you back to court and demand a change in custody. You are never safe from that threat, so you will need to conduct yourself defensively –as though any action you take could cause your former spouse to bring a custody action. Paranoid? Maybe.

Regardless of what charges are flung at you – you are an unfit custodial parent because you have a new boyfriend or girlfriend, you are selfish because you want to move, you are neglecting your children because you work – your lawyer must go to bat for you and convince the court of what you are really doing and how your actions are in the best interest of the children.

Finally, you should worry about losing custody if:

1.  You suffer from severe depression or mental illness;
2.  You have a drug, alcohol or gambling problem;
3.  You work long hours and your ex- has a more flexible schedule;
4.  You refuse to share the children;
5.  You bad-mouth your former spouse (their parent) to the children;
6.  Your new “friend” has a terrible or inappropriate relationship with the children;
7.  Your older child expresses an interest in living with their other parent.