There comes a point where your divorce becomes real. You’ve talked to your spouse and begun the legal process. Now how do you tell others – like the children, friends, your family, co-workers or your boss?

During this difficult time, you’ll want and need the support of others more than ever. How do you tell them the news that your marriage is over without creating undue stress for yourself or them? Here are some guidelines:

If the separation is non-adversarial, you and your spouse could consider sitting down together with each of your families to tell them about your break-up. If your split is contentious, these public announcements might spark yet another fight between you two.  Whether you make the announcement alone or with your spouse, it’s a good idea to practice what you’re going to say first and how you want to say it. Decide how much information you want to give and then try not to be pushed into divulging more than you planned to.

Here’s the good news:  if your marriage wasn’t a healthy one from the start, your friends and family may react positively to the news.  But “healthy” may be a relative term in this case. If they disliked your spouse, they may think that having him or her out of the family picture is actually a good thing.

On the other hand, if your family has had a loving relationship with your spouse, they may feel torn between their loyalty to you and their bond with him or her. Unless your ex- was secretly abusing you during the marriage, try not to demand that your family sever all ties with him or her – especially if the two of you have children.

At the office, divorce is a different issue. Being a personal matter, you might wonder why you would need to tell your boss and co-workers. However, your schedule may change due to appointments with your lawyer, therapist or because of court appearances. Your boss will be more supportive if he or she knows about your difficult situation. They may also be more understanding if your productivity decreases for a few months because of any depression or distraction issues.