Divorce is never a pleasant process, no matter how well the two parties may get along. Unfortunately, mistakes made during the divorce process have ramifications that can last for years. In the case of a hostile divorce, negative ramifications can be magnified exponentially.

Here are the top-thirty most common mistakes made during divorce:

1.  Taking action without obtaining legal advice. Divorces are full of pitfalls. Representing yourself is a dangerous way to go; a skilled family lawyer can help you avoid common mistakes that wreak havoc later.

2.  Failing to realize the importance of the status quo. One of the most important concepts in family law is the status quo. The courts are slow to change the way things are going, unless it is clear that there is a big problem.

3.  Thinking emotionally rather than strategically. Thinking strategically means deciding what is worth fighting for and what is not. 

4.  Failing to obtain security for support payments. If your former spouse dies, what will you do without the child support payments you were receiving?

5.  Not knowing how much it costs you to live each and every month. Most people know how much income they have each month, but having an accurate idea of where the money goes is hard for most people. For some, completing their financial statement for the court is an eye-opening experience.

6.  Assuming that the custodial parent should always keep the house. Without a doubt, deciding to keep the house is usually an emotional decision instead of a financial decision. Keeping the house, only to find out in a couple of years that you can’t afford it, will prove to be a poor financial choice.

7.  Not understanding the consequences of unsecured debt before and after the divorce. Unsecured debt is normally credit card debt. Debt created during the marriage is normally joint debt, meaning both spouses are responsible for it, no matter who incurred the debt.

8.  Not having a financial plan in place for your future after you are divorced. If you are like most people, you don’t have a written comprehensive financial plan. Now is the time to take your future into your own hands. Plan ahead for your new life.

9.  Using unrealistic assumptions about inflation and investment returns. If your future ex-spouse is trying to convince you to settle for a certain investment because “it’s going to grow at 25% per year,” you might want to get a professional opinion. 

10.  Having unrealistic expectations. The combined income that supported one household now must support two households. It is not uncommon for finances to be tight for a period of time.

11.  Failing to untangle all joint finances. Separating all assets and debts is a difficult task, but the consequences of relying on your spouse to pay joint debt post-divorce may seriously jeopardize your credit score if payments are not timely made.

12.  Getting into an endless battle. It is better to be reasonable throughout the divorce process and fight only those issues that really need to be fought.

13.  Forgetting to change beneficiaries post-divorce. Once the divorce is final, it is important to change beneficiaries on life insurance policies, bank, investment and retirement accounts so your former spouse doesn’t get the asset if you were to die.

14.  Discussing money matters, especially child support, with children. It is important to keep discussions concerning finances between the parents. It is not appropriate to question children as to how child support is being spent by the parent receiving the support or complain to them about support not being paid on time.

15.  Failing to develop a specific parenting plan. In Massachusetts, parents are encouraged to be flexible with each other concerning parenting time. However, if disagreements arise, a specific parenting time plan helps resolve the matter.

16.  Neglecting to file modifications with the court. When parents reach agreements between themselves after the divorce is final regarding support and parenting time, it is important to file those agreements with the court. Otherwise, these new agreements will not be enforceable.

17.  Forgetting to keep records of support payments made. It is important to keep records, such as cancelled checks, of support payments made in the event questions arise concerning the payment history.  Our clients always download our Child Support Ledger and keep a close track!

18.  Hiring a divorce lawyer or family law attorney who isn’t a good fit for you personally. Going through a divorce is an emotionally and financially difficult time. You need to hire an attorney who is a good fit for you personally.

19.  Settling too early. Just because you want out of your marriage immediately doesn’t mean you should forfeit your future financial security. 

20.  Refusing to see a therapist. Seeing a therapist can help you get through the range of emotions that you will experience during your divorce. It is a good idea to get help before your emotions become disruptive of your life.

21.  Taking advice from friends and family. Matters such as alimony and child support are determined by a mathematical scale devised by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. This means that what one person is awarded is often very different from what another person has been awarded. There is no “set rate” on a per child basis, nor is there some formula for alimony.  Go to our Child Support Calculator.

22.  Becoming bogged down in minor details. Many times spouses become obsessed with minor household items – small stick pens, an old piece of furniture, etc. – which have little real-world value. While items can hold high emotional value, it’s best to not become distracted by individual assets.

23.  An aversion to paying alimony. The idea of paying your spouse a monthly support check – even after the divorce is settled – is distasteful to many people. However, in the long-run, alimony is often less of a financial burden than many types of child support.

24. Not knowing what is happening in your spouse’s family business. If the business is ultimately considered an asset, how will you know what a realistic valuation would be?

25.  Not understanding advanced financial issues:  the purpose of a Qualified Domestic Relations Order, believing that spending retirement assets before 59 ½ years old will always result in a 10 percent penalty,  and others.

26.  Not protecting yourself from potential IRS problems. Don’t forget – there’s an “innocent spouse” rule for which affords you protection.

27.  Leaving out details in your agreements. Quite often, the little things – who will be taking care of pick-up and drop-off, which holidays the children will be with you and which their other parent, etc. – can rear its ugly head years later only to draw you back to court.  Be sure to have a list of important issues for both your Parenting Plan and Separation Agreement.

28.  Waiting until after the holidays, or until the children are back in school after the summer break to ask for a divorce. Why wait?   You deserve to be happy and not put on a happy face, only to deceive the children.

29.  Getting divorce advice from family and friends. While your family and friends may have good intentions and want to help you, that does not change the fact that many things they tell you may not be accurate.

30.  Failing to keep a journal. The details of what has happened can be particularly important. A journal has all the daily events and the dates associated with them.

Don’t make these mistakes when going through a divorce. To schedule a no-obligation consultation, call (800) 910-DIVORCE or contact us for an appointment in any of our Boston-area offices, or those in Worcester, Western Massachusetts or on Plymouth/Cape Cod.