The real danger of the entire divorce process is getting so wrapped up emotionally in battling your spouse that you lose sight of your ultimate goal. Try your best to keep the overall game plan in mind throughout the proceedings.  Have a true understanding of the chronology of a divorce action, and remember how your goal should always be motivating your actions. Keep the hostility directed elsewhere. Seek counseling if necessary to deal with the emotional turmoil of the separation process, but do not allow those emotions to color your divorce planning.

Here’s a summary of what you should do:

1.  Plan for divorce before it happens.  If possible, even before you get married.  Get a premarital agreement in writing.  During the marriage, keep visitation records detailing your involvement with the children. Keep informed of all your spouse’s financial dealings. Arrange the ownership of property to your advantage.

2.  Define your objective. If divorce is imminent, what is your ideal, but realistically obtainable, end result? Keep this objective to yourself, but keep it foremost in your mind throughout the proceedings.

3.  Get a separation agreement. You can strengthen your case substantially and will find it easier to get a settlement before any divorce is filed while your spouse may still be holding onto some thread of hope for reconciliation.

4.  Make a custody or parenting plan. Have your evidence and witnesses available to you so that you have more provable “points” than your spouse.

5.  Make a property plan. Time the divorce properly if either of you is still in school or about to come into money. Stay in the marital home if you want to keep it, and stay with the children if you want to keep them. Most of all stay informed.

6.  Pick a lawyer who focuses their practice on divorce.  Your brother-in-law might be a terrific guy and probably a great personal injury lawyer, but don’t let him handle your divorce.

7.  Never take legal advice from your spouse.  Even if he or she is not intentionally lying to you, the information might be just plain wrong!

8.  Negotiate – intelligently and strenuously – rather than go to trial. Get the case settled for financial and peace-of-mind reasons. Use every available tactic to get a settlement.  Don’t give up on your ultimate objective. Demand something important to your partner so that you can give it up later to get what you really want.

9.  Give the judge something to hang his or her hat on. Use expert witnesses. Put yourself in their place. A judge needs lots of good reasons why you should get what you want – especially if the judge is going to decide.

10.  Throw your spouse a bone. Their attorney has to leave with something or they have nothing to lose in going to trial. Just make sure the something that you give them is something you’re willing to part with.

11.  Do not use the children as weapons.  They are not the ones getting a divorce.  No matter how bad your spouse is, the children still love him or her and deserve to have that parent-child relationship.

12.  Be certain that a divorce is really what you want. You may be able to achieve your objective in some less drastic matter. 

No matter where you live in Massachusetts, contact the divorce lawyers and family law attorneys from The Massachusetts Family Law Group.  We represent every sort of divorce matter you could ever imagine at our offices in Dedham, Andover, Worcester, Springfield, Plymouth and on Cape Cod.

From here, you may want to view the chronology of a divorce action in the Massachusetts Probate and Family Court.

We accept all major credit cards and offer a 30-minute no-obligation initial consultation.  Contact us to schedule an appointment, or call (800) 910-DIVORCE.